So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize