I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1047 607 share tweet
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize