so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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