Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
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I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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