i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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