My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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