You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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