remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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