Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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