my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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