I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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