she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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