Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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