i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize