worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
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Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
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Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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