I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
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You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
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You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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