I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My ATM looks so different sober.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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