If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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