Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize