I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
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I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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