I met the friendliest cop last night
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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