"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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