five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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