eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
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Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
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I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My life is pants optional.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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