im drinking this country out of the recession.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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