She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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