Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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