There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have aggressive nipples.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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