Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize