I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
