the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
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He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
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We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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