Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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