life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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