I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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