Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize