I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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