Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize