and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
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You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
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You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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