What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
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I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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