I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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