She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
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What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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