omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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