I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
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i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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