apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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