i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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