And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize