for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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