Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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