so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize