I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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